d life of d.S.1

Frustrated!! frustration!! n more frustration!!!

y my leg is bengkok de???? i can walk a lito bit now, small pace bt y my leg is bengkok… does dis mean dat i cant play futbo o walk properly like a normal human??? i m reli gettin frustrated.. mayb i jz need a physio 2 help me adjust bek my leg 2 straight.

poor ferreira, i m still thinkkin if i don play futbo on dat wednesday, den u’ll b fine… haiz.. bt once it happened, i bet it happended 4 a reason. bt wat is d reason?? is it i m not good in futbo n i shud quit playin futbo? o is it i hv been thinkin too much bout futbo n it wans me 2 study now?? yoo hoo~~ can anybody tell me d answer??

reli frustrated!!!!!! like wanna kaboom my head ady.. haiz.. reli suffering.. cant walk. cant do wat d things i like. normally, i use 2 slide in my schools office.. run vy fast den slide on d cement floor.. woohoo.. it’s super cool~~~

bt haiz.. y m i injured?? y m i so careless? y don i b careful when i m playin futbo? n now, wat is d treatment i suppose 2 receive? jz restin?? n restin will cure my leg? i think i need a physio urgently!!!

mayb dis noon, i will go 4 physio n seek advices from d doc.. no futbo n no play makes johnny a dull boy……

It has been a week dat i hv been injured.. n now, i m now at my home.. afta being asked by my parents 2 go bek on sunday. mizz 2 weeks of classes.. yahoo.. bt i miss d chance 2 b d 1st 1 2 greet o my frens hepi CNY!! normally i will sing new year song whenever i wake up in d morning.

haiz. bt now, no mood 2 sing liao. bt if compared wv last week, my leg is now recovering. it jz needs time. on d way 2 recovery, i can say like dat.. now, my rite leg can bend, can twist here n there wvout any problem, bt jz a lito bit of pain. bt now i can walk liao. bt very weak..

TIME!!! can u tick faster.. i wanna return 2 d field 2 play futbo again. dis few days, i stayed at home. dono do wat oso. bt i hvfinished watchin digimon tamers 03 in youtube. 51 episodes.. hehe, nothing 2 do  ma,. so watch digimon lo

bt i bgin 2 think of those futballers who has serious injury n worse den me.. they b bek 2 d journey of futbo afta several months n even years.. me? haiz.. cant walk now la.. think so much 4 wat

djibiril cisse, broken leg 4 2 times, bt afta a year of strugglin n recoverin, he’s bek n now scorin many goals 4 marseille… dis is d spirit i oso wan 2 learn. well, his case is serious den me. he got broken leg ler.. mine got pulled knee ligament. which 1 is mo serious?

of cz his la. bt he still got d determination 2 play futbo.. dis noon, i ask my mom whether i can still play futbo, wvout htinking she say no wv a fierce look.. i jz sit n eat my lunch.. y cant? bt i wil make sure i hv recovered fully n fully fit. n i wan my form 2 b bek, i still wan my leg’s form bek..

now, i try 2 imagine dat my rite leg is a newborn baby, hvnt know n learn how 2 walk.. bt slowly slowly it will grow up n 1 day, kapow!!! it will b d bez leg… in utp i guess.. haha..

bt now, i jz hope i can walk dulu. i don ask 4 mo. walk 1st.. my leg.. by d way, i giv my rite leg a name, ferreira n my left leg, bridge..

haha, ferreira n bridge.. well, ferreira, get well soon. pp wanna c u performin again in futbo~~ bridge, cheer him up wheneva he is down..

i oso wanna thank my frens in utp.. especially my closest buddy.. they r d bez, carryin me around when i m injured. n my frens who k 4 me, sms me n msn me askin me bout my condition… n i oso wanna thank a person especially, she teach me a way 2 recover faster. she ask me 2 talk 2 my leg everyday, try 2 motivate him.. well, i do dat every moment when i m alone..

haha, now ferreira is recoverin. d utp league dis year, i beriya iya utk take part, bt now, i think hv 2 postpone 2 nex year liao.. ok. ferreira, listen properly… get well soon, buddy. i still need u n u still got a lot of skills 2 b performed… i’ll pray 4 u, hope u guys oso..

I injured my rite knee when I was playin futbo last nite.. I think it is quite a terrible injury I hv so far.. cz I completely cant walk.. I cant even stand up. I jz hv 2 sit there. I stretched out my reite leg 2 stop my fren from kickin d bo, bt his shoot was too powerful n I can say like i twist my rite knee 2 d rite side.

It was such a pain. I jz lie down there wvout movin. 1^st of o, I thought it is still 4 a while, den afta several mins, I can start playin again. Bt not dis time.. I try 2 stand up, bt cant. My frens help me 2 stand up bt I cant stand up usin my rite leg. My rite leg can stretch straight. It was a total disaster.. I cant imagine it is happenin 2 me..

Den got many things wonderin in my mind, dislocation, sprained, twist, ligament damage… bt dis time it happens on my knee, my leg, my rite leg. Long time ago, I hv thought of dis matter, if 1 day, I cant walk o play futbo, den I will b finished. I lov my legs.. wvout them, I will b like dead.. OKU.. cant do anything, everythin hv 2 b assisted by other pp. I cant do wat I wan, I cant go play futbo, I cant go SHS, I cant go celebrate CNY, I cant go rush my stuff, I cant help my frens if I m in dis condition..

While my frens r worryin, I try 2 convince dat I m ok n ask them 2 continue d game. Bt they din. They r rite there sitin bside me. I try 2 cheer them up, haha. Bt they r still worryin.. den joel n wenzhen go n buy ice 4 me. Ice will reduce d pain? I don think so. I know dat dis time it is vy serious case.. mayb I wont b able 2 walk….. I was vy scared, feelin like telling d whole world n ask 4 help.

Den they carry me bek 2 my hostel, wa. Vy song ler.. looks like an emperor carryin around.. don don don qiang… haha, bt once we got bek, they send me 2 d UTP clinic, den d UTP clinic ask me go 2 d batu gajah hospital.. wulala, den I start 2 realize dat dis is vy serious. D doc in UTP say dat it can b dislocation.. DISLOCATION~~!!!??!! I was puzzled.. I remember wat happen 2 damien duff, arjen robben, Michael owen, they r out 4 more den 6 months.. I don wanna b like them.

I wanna walk, I wanna run.. I still got a lot of things 2 b done.. god, don let me b paralyzed..

I m very scared n I only pray at dat time, den we got a senior lead d way 2 d batu gajah hospital, well, d doc ask me 2 go visit him 2day noon 2pm like dat.. actually got go same as not go.

He din giv me any medicine n say dat it is an emergency room n only 4 emergency case.. gr~~ my case not emergency meh? I will b paralyzed 4 my whole life, u goin 2 tek k of me ar??

I was vy depressed. Bt I jz wanna sleep.. well, jz hope everythin will b ok..

Hope 2 run in d SHS Stamford bridge soon… jesus, I ask

ur

help as a beggar ask alms, will u help me..

dis is oso a piece of material i write in d camp.. hehe. hohohohoh

b4 dis, i m blur bout my own target. i feel like i hv achieve everythin. i totally hv no motivation, like there’s no urge inside me anymo. d urge has jz gone like dat. still remember when i m in SHS, there’s owes an urge in my heart. "2 make SHS d bez!!".. now i m in UTP, mayb i hvnt start 2 lik utp gua..

bt when i saw d petronas clip dat i hv seen in d STE camp. it totally changes my perspective 2wards petronas. b4 dis, i thought dat petronas is a rich company dat r meant 2 their own pp n 4 business purposes. bt now, i will say "petronas,i salute u"

"energy received, energy returned, aspire every1" dis is d quote i like. petronas is not only a business coorporation o organization. it’s hv their own objectives. they oso judge other pp’s feelings. they don only search 4 oils in d country, they oso help 2 develope those countries. is is d spirit i like in petronas, 2 inspire n aspire others.

now i nkow wat r my targets, goals n missions, 2 inspire others as well. now i’ll hv 2 study hard dulu 2 accomplish my goals.. not 2 say i hv 2, bt say i choose 2 study hard. haha, i choose 2 study hard so dat i can accomplish my goal. now i hv a clear goal in my mind.

n thoughts is a matter, bt action r another matter.. haha, study hard??? mayb i wont make it cz i m owes lazy.. bt sure i will hv 2 do other stuff..

bt thanks 2 petronas, they let me understand d importance of study.. hoho. bt, dis year, d.S.1 is goin 2 snS every1!!. yipee yaya yipee yipee ya, snS.. quite a nice short form… hohohohoho

again, dis piece of material is written when i m in d camp.. jhehe

as a fren n sometimes as a leader, i m very scared 2 let pp down, disappointed. n as a fren, i m very scared 2 ignore them, let them feel ignored n lonely. there r times when everybody gets sad o hepi, n i think i m owes d 1st 1 2 b there wv them, 2 share their sadness o joy. it’s bcz i want them 2 know dat they r not alone. they hv frens.. n i will owes b there when they need help..

jz like liverpool slogan.. "u’ll nvr walk alone".. dis is an amazing quote.. it is hard 2 xpress our problems. bt i think sometimes i can notice thru d way they talk, they react n from their facial xpressions. sometimes i will like 2 try 2 approach them n help 2 solve problems. bcz of dis, sometimes i neglect my studies n dont score good results in exams. i’ll rather put other pp ahead of me.

i personally feel dat these exams, studies r nothing cz it is jz like a measurement 2 measure where our standard is. it’s nothing, jz a piece of cert. bt soon, i realize dis word "knowledge" comes in . i try 2 convince myself, if i dont study, i’ll hv no knowldege. n wvout knowledge, i wont b able 2 assist n help my frens. wat i want 2 c is their smiles. when they’re hepi, i think i’ll oso b hepi. i seldom think 4 mysealf.

sometimes i overdo it.. n dis cause a lot of damage 2 myself n oso other individual. i learn from d STE camp, d word 2 describe my doins r selfless. okay.. selfless. sometimes, i was scoled "stupid" by my frens bcz they said dat though i sacrifice so many things 4 other pp, mayb other pp wont appreciate. well, thanks, folks. i oso know dis thing so i hv 2 admit i m stupid.. well, dat’s y i call myself as "d.S.1"….

i know dat not everybody will appreciate, bt at least i do my part as a fren or a leader. i can say myself is a responsible person. i learn dis from my moral class. responsible is an attitude o action oso shown when nobody is watchin. i know mayb nobody will appreciate wat i hv done, bt i jz do it.

i learn 2 b humble n not 2 b too arrogant. i wont walk around spreadin wat i’ve done. bla bla bla.. bt i will jz stay silent n hepi. dis is y i don want 2 neglect any of my frens. i want 2  b there wv them when they r alone, i wan 2 c their smiling faces.. hohohoho

n i don like 2 let pp down, as a leader especially. i learn a lot of things. i know when 2 differentiate time 2 b serious n playful. when it’s a formal o serious issue, i’ll b serious, 100% commited. n when it’s time 2 play, i can play very crazily till i take off my shirts. n i oso wanna tek dis opportunity 2 say sorry cz i owes kacau pp when pp is studyin cz i tek studies not seriously..

dis is wat i receive from my frens. some of them ask me how i manage my emotions n leadership skills? well, i jz answer 1 word "commitment", in watever we’re doin, we muz hv 100% commitment in ourselves, so dat we wont let d pp down. i hope i’ll b a better leader, a mo understandin leader.

now is 2008. n i think i m sure of my target now. i’ll hv 2 prepare myself 4 my ultimate goal, which is 2 make other pp hepi. jz simple miles on their faces will make me hepi. well, bt now hv 2 study hard dluu. lord , grant me d serenity 2 accept d things i cant change, courage 2 change d things i can n wisdom 2 know d differences…

mainly, 4 my parents. i can say dat i can feel dat they r proud of me so as i m proud of them. mayb often pp asked y i bhv so good n so responsible. many timesi 4get 2 mention my parents… they r my motivator, my light n my source of energy. i pick up their wonderful values, responsibility from dad, patience from mum n love from both of them…

sometimes i feel dat god is unfair. i m very scared dat 1 day, He will took my parents away from me.. n i can feel dat i will b very very very angry n upset bout it cz i feel dat i hv not accomplish my responsibility as a responsible child .. 2 my parents..

sometimes, i often talk very rudely 2 them jz because they nage 2 me. n may often i realize dat i should receive n tek their advices bt instead of listenin 2 them, i response by talkin rudely 2 them. dis is d point dat i would like 2 change bout me.. i hv 2 b mo patient n tok 2 them nicely though i m not feeling good @ dat time. i know wat they advise me is good, so , i muz try 2 accpet wat they r sayin 2 me..

1 day, i will bcome a parent, a dad. so i hv 2 b obedient 2 my paretns. i love them very much, bt it seems dat everytime i go bek 2 my house. i seldom spend time wv them. instead, i spend mo time wv my frens n in d school.. pooh…

there’s big sacrifices dat my parents did 4 me in d year of 2007. reli.. not many parents can afford dat price n pressure. bt my parents did.. i reli spend a big amount of $ in my education in taylor, 20 times of flight in & out, much more on my daily xpenses n my telephone bills. i know dat when i total up, it’ll b like rm 30,000. n it’s a reli big amount of $$$. bt they jz do it wv a simple reason "we trust u n know dat u r sure of wat u r doin. we hope u r hepi…" dat’s wat my mom tells me when i say sorry 2 her 4 wastin so much $$ in 2007..

now, i promise them i will study reli hard n try 2 b graduated successfully n hv a stable job at d end of my carrier. den i will give some allowance 2 them though i know dat $ cant resemble my love 2 them. i know dis petronas job is goin 2 keep me away from my family members. so whenevea i hv time, i will owes come bek 2 visit them no matter wat it costs.. n hope so i will work in a place nearby my sibu

mayb i m still not independent.. bt many things i do it on my own cz i scare dat i will tired them. they hv their own things 2 do n their own problems 2 solve, n their own pressures 2 handle. so many things i do it on my own, bt i think i m still depend on them. i wish i can duplicate myself, 1 4 my own, 1 4 my parents, 1 4 my frens…

parents… daddy n mommy.. i know mayb dis sem’s result mayb not so good cz i tek d tests as a small case n i din look seriously on d test. n i think mayb d way 2 make my parents proud of me is 2 b a successful person.. n i oso think dis is d only wishes of many parents 2wards their children. n we r owes a baby in our parents mind though we r mature n married.. haha

n i hope they hv a healthy body n free from o sickness.. so, o those sickness, AIDS, cancer, flu, demam, osteoroposis, joint problem, please come 2 me, not 2 my parents.. come 2 me, let me handle 4 them.. please God, tek good k of my parents, don let them fall in2 any traps, provide them a healthy body.. please, i only pray 4 dis… please god…..

i think i cant write long cz my tears r rollin down now.. daddy n mommy, give me time n i’ll do my bez 2 b a responsible son, a baby dat daddy n mommy proud of…

dis blog is written when i m in port dickson, nothing 2 do mar. plus no laptop there. so jz write on d piece of paper den i type in2 my blog.. and it is written on 1/1/08.. hoho

normally, pp owes hv their new targets and their new mission n goals in the new year. bt dis year, in 2008, i feel like i hv no target, i jz dono y. i feel mt n feel like i got everythin ady. i was quite confused. n i oso dono how 2 describe d feeling. i  jz feel dat 2008 is jz another day. there’s no difference btween 31/12/07 n 1/1/08. of cz got some difference la, hehe, receive many blessing messages. bsides dat, i feel nothing.

new target? new mission? new goal? i wan a new target so dat i can go n chase afta it. so dat i can pursue afta it. bt wat r my targets? wat r my objectives of life? wat do i hv 2 do 2 make myself hepi n contented? thousands of question popped when i was thinking of my objectives of new year…

mayb 2 continue 2 b my own d.S.1? now i would like 2 question myself, wat is d real definition of d.S.1, can it b applicalbe 2 other pp? muz it only 4 me? wat is so different bout me if compared 2 other pp? m i so different? ok i think i fot d answer, i m actually jz an ordinary human. 2 hands, 2 legs, nothing peculiar about me..

bt i think mayb is my mentality n mayb my way of thinkin keeps me strong. i m not d smartest o d most intelligent person, bt i hv d strongest will, confidence, perseverance, deteremination, enthusiasm n commitment. dat’s y i think i m different gua.i owes put other pp ahead of myself. i think dis is seldom seen in d society. i feel dis is good attitude, bt 1 day, i was puzzled when somebody say i m selfish

i try 2 understand d situation, i din make any xplanation 2 her comment. i jz try 2 understan, bt i reli cant imagine o understand d situation. everybody is selfish? i don think so. ok, i agree wv u , bt i’ll keep things simple. when i say i keep things simple, means i think it in my own way. if u say everybody is selfish, den how bout stevie g? he oso selfish? he rejected chelsea n continue to captain liverpool 2 their successvie 5th champions league cup. is he selfish>. if he;s selfish, den he would have gone 2 chelsea n see his liverpool devastated wvout him..

from dis , i know sth. if u reli k 4 a person o a thing u like, u’ll sacrifice urself n will not act selfish. i think so like dis, i like my frens n my school, i often sacrifice my time, my energy n even my own freedom 4 them. m i selfish? M i??? 4 me, i don think so. 4 u, mayb i m. bt now i hv a strong point 4 myself. i kon k how other pp look @ me, as long as hw i judge myself. well, d eyes tumbuh @ ur head, i cant control it. bt, i respect u 4 ur opinions.. thanks…

2 put other pp ahead of myself, is dis my new objective? i jz hv 2 continue it? wat;s my definition of d.S.1? dare 2 b angry, dare 2 voice up, dare 2 do, dare 2 bear d responsibility? wes there when needed though r not been asked, a good ploanner n leader? is dat d real definition of d.S.1? now another question comes in, actually everybody is different from 1 another. bt i don k la.. u can say i m arrogant o wuliao 4 callin myself as d.S.1 bt i think i m reli d.S.1. lulu lulu…

if u doubt me, y don u b another d.S.1? actually, everybody whud try 2 b a d.S.1. reli. i hope i m not confused. so mayb my new objective is 2 continue 2 b d.S.1 gua… haiz, conclusion, my new year objective .. is still….  X-files, an unendin hymn, asn unsoluble question.

hope i can find my answers n my inspirations …. soon..